From Sincere to Snarky: What to Do When Someone Comments on Your Food (or Your Body) This Holiday Season
Every December, I have at least five client conversations that start the same way: “I was at this party… and someone said something about my food (or my body).”
You can feel the frustration and exhaustion in the pause that follows. Because it’s never just one comment. It’s the hundredth one, the one that hits right where you thought you’d built some peace.
It might sound like: “Are you really going to eat all that?” or “wow, you look great — did you lose weight?” or even “I could never eat that, I’d gain ten pounds.”
And suddenly, you’re no longer enjoying your plate of stuffing or the peppermint brownie you were actually excited about. You’re back inside that small, tight feeling of being observed, judged, or measured.
So, what do you do in that moment? How do you respond when someone else’s discomfort with food or bodies gets projected onto you?
Let’s talk about that. I’m going to give you some options on how to respond that range from calm and graceful to delightfully snarky, because not every situation deserves the same energy.
Before We Get Into It, Remember That It’s Not About You
Before we get into what to say, I want you to take a deep breath and remember this: Most food and body comments come from someone’s own stuff.
Their own insecurities. Their own unprocessed shame. Their own lifelong conditioning about what makes a person “good” or “healthy” or “worthy.”
You don’t have to fix that for them. You don’t even have to absorb it.
If you can, visualize the comment as a ping pong ball being lobbed your way. You can catch it and start a match, or you can just let it bounce off the table and roll away.
Option 1: The Polite Pivot
Sometimes you’re in a situation where you want to keep things smooth — maybe it’s a work party, or your grandma’s table, or a neighbor you barely know. In those cases, a simple, neutral response can keep you safe and redirect the conversation without engaging the comment’s content.
Try these:
“I’m really happy with my plate, thanks.”
“I’m focusing on enjoying the food and the company tonight.”
“There’s room for everything at the table.”
“I’m good, thank you!” and change the subject — “How’s your dog?”
This strategy works because it acknowledges the moment without rewarding it. You maintain your boundaries and dignity, and they’re left holding their own discomfort, which, frankly, is where it belongs.
Option 2: The Curious Reframe
If you have the bandwidth, and it’s someone you care about, curiosity can sometimes turn a defensive moment into a gentle teaching one.
Try these:
“What made you say that?”
“I’m curious — what’s behind that comment?”
“It sounds like you have strong feelings about that food. Tell me more.”
These responses slow down the conversation and subtly invite reflection. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing, just holding up a mirror.
One of my clients tried this with her sister last year, after hearing the usual, “You’re eating dessert?” Instead of freezing up, she said, “What’s making you curious about it?” Her sister admitted she felt overwhelmed by her own eating habits. That conversation ended with connection instead of conflict.
You don’t owe anyone that level of curiosity, of course. But it can be powerful when you choose it intentionally.
Option 3: The Boundary Setter
Sometimes, politeness or curiosity aren’t enough. Sometimes you just need to draw a line.
Here’s where a clear, firm statement can protect your peace.
Try these:
“I’m not discussing food or bodies tonight.”
“Let’s keep this conversation off my plate.”
“I’m working really hard to build a healthier relationship with food and my body, and comments like that don’t help.”
“Please don’t comment on what I eat — I’m good, really.”
Boundaries don’t need to be explained or justified. You can say it with a smile, but you don’t owe an apology for protecting your space.
If you’re someone who feels shaky setting boundaries in real time, practice a phrase in advance. Write it on a note in your phone. It’s easier to reach for language you’ve already rehearsed when your body starts to tighten up mid-conversation.
Option 4: The Compassionate Deflector
Sometimes, the person commenting is someone older — a relative who grew up in diet culture, whose compliments or criticisms are filtered through decades of body image conditioning.
If confronting them directly feels harsh or futile, you can soften your reply without betraying yourself.
Try these:
“It’s funny how different generations talk about food, we look at it really differently now.”
“I know you mean well, but I’m focusing more on how I feel than how I look these days.”
“The Clean-Plate Club had a good run, but my membership expired.”
These responses acknowledge the person’s intent while steering the conversation toward your values. You’re not inviting a debate; you’re planting a seed.
Option 5: The Snark (Use Responsibly)
Now, for those moments when the comment is egregious, when you’ve had enough small talk, or when the setting calls for humor as armor — enter the well-placed snark.
Let’s be honest: this section is partly for catharsis. We’re giving you lots of options here because sometimes it’s just fun to imagine the perfect comeback — even if you never actually say it out loud. Consider this your conversational vision board.
Try these:
“Wow, I didn’t realize there was a food police department at this party.”
“Don’t worry, my plate and I have it under control.”
“You seem really invested in what I’m eating — should I make you a plate too?”
“I love that you’re concerned about food waste. Maybe we can start with your opinions?”
“I’m saving room for minding my own business later.”
“I’m done, thanks — but I love that your inner cafeteria lady is thriving.”
“I’ve heard of peer pressure, but plate pressure is new.”
“I’m listening to my body instead of my plate. Wild, I know.”
Snark isn’t always appropriate, but it can be deliciously satisfying. Humor can reclaim your power faster than a lecture ever could, and sometimes, picturing yourself saying one of these lines (even silently) is enough to make the moment sting a little less.
After all, not every comment deserves your energy. But if you’re going to spend it, might as well make it entertaining.
You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation
The holidays can be joyful, but they also magnify our culture’s complicated relationship with food and bodies. Comments that seem small to others can feel enormous when you’re working hard to rebuild peace with your plate.
So this year, if someone decides to turn your meal or your body into a conversation piece, remember: you don’t owe them an explanation, justification, or education.
You owe yourself care, presence, and the freedom to eat in peace.
And if all else fails? Smile, take another bite, and remind yourself: Their comment says more about their hunger than yours.